The email I get in my inbox never ceases to amaze me. So many of them begin with a phrase similar to "My mother never really taught me how to keep house...." and go on to detail how they have no idea how to do even the simplest tasks or when to do them. So many emails are just pleas for help on getting started making a home!
It has become apparent to me that our current social climate is not conducive to homekeeping. With the need for more and more women to work outside of the home (a perfectly wonderful thing!), there is a lot less emphasis on learning the things that used to be second nature in bringing up the next generations. I should probably interject here and state for the record that this should NOT inherently be a female arena. Men should be learning how to take care of themselves as well, and fathers are just as important in passing along information to daughters and sons alike. But for the most part, this has been a feminine area.
I am only 35 years old. So I am part of this generation that has never been exposed to homecare lessons. We were not given the home-ec curriculum in school, as it was already being phased out in the 80's and 90's. Our parents were dual-income earners, and therefore there wasn't time at the end of a workday to fit these lessons in. As it were, they didn't have as extensive a background as their parents did! Along came the concept of the "cleaning lady". Even though there have been maids and cooks in wealthier homes across the spans of time, the idea of having someone come into your home on a weekly or biweekly basis was relatively new. And at first it was a luxury for only the most affluent. But as time went on, it became more commonplace.
Now, practically everyone I know has a cleaning service that comes on a regular basis. Hey, I'm all for it! If you can afford it, and it gives you more time for family activities, then more power to you! But shouldn't we all know the basics? What happens when the cleaning service is no longer affordable? And what about the kids that are going to be heading out on their own, with low-paying, entry level jobs who can't afford this? Shouldn't they know basic homekeeping to keep them afloat?
We have become a society of convenience. We rely on computers, cell phones, ATM's, and the like for our daily activities. There are a plethora of gadgets and gizmos on the market that promise to make things easier and faster. A microwave is no longer a status symbol; it is an expectation. And with all of these changes, homekeeping has become even more of a 'life sucker'. No one wants to spend the time on it because it takes too long, isn't "fun", and never seems to really be complete.
So now I belong to a generation that has no idea how to do even the most simple tasks. And has no ability to even schedule their day. One woman actually emailed me, asking me when she should take her shower because she had a new baby and didn't know how to even fit that into her day! My answer was simple: when the baby sleeps, jump on in and soap up! And if the baby wakes and starts crying, it will still be OK, because you'll be out in a minute anyway.
My mother did not teach me how to keep house. In fact, my mother loathed housework. Now that she is retired, she seems to like it a LITTLE more, but while I was growing up it wasn't exactly a lesson a day atmosphere. Don't get me wrong- our home was cozy and clean and we had home made dinners almost every night. But I don't recall her ever taking me aside and showing me how to do laundry or clean a toilet or vacuum. You just figured it out. I learned by osmosis, I guess. To this day, we still tease her, though, about the refrigerator experiments! Poor mom!
But when I moved into my first apartment, I fell in love with housework. Every Saturday, I would move the frig out away from the wall and scrub the floor and vacuum the condenser coils. I would polish and shine every surface, and wash every stitch of fabric. The smell of clean was something I wanted to bottle as a perfume! I don't know where this love of all things domestic came from.... perhaps it's the association with the family dinners and the cozy house we lived in as kids. Or perhaps it was the newfound sense of responsibility and excitement of having my own little abode.
But not everyone has had that same infatuation with housework that I have. Some would like to; others just want to be able to keep their heads above water and move on. And this generation is very ill prepared for homekeeping. The even scarier part? The next generation will be even worse off!
Perhaps the best way to solve this problem is to change our viewpoint of the dreaded housework into one of pleasure. Instead of looking at it as a "chore", or "timewaster", maybe it needs to be looked at as a chance to unwind and renew. I know that cleaning the shower isn't exactly glamourous, but why not focus on how it gleams when you are done? And while you are scrubbing away, it can be very calming and soothing. I think this is why I love housework so much: I tend to do my best thinking while in the middle of mucking out a mess. I am able to take that time to be reflective and meditative while still being productive. I lose myself in my thoughts, and by the time the jobs are done, my head is clear and I feel renewed. And when I come out of that state of mind, I snap back into a reality of sparkling clean and calm!
Once we change our mindset, the learning process becomes fun and easy. Then the implementation of those skills becomes enjoyable. Even rewarding.
So, please keep sending me those emails. I will continue to answer all of them. And I will never ridicule anyone for any reason. It's not anyone's fault that we don't have the tools and information we need. But we can bring society back to home base. Let's all just slow down a little, cook dinner for our families once in a while, and enjoy the fact that some things take a little more time to complete.
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